Ladies! Have you ever received a text from a devious ex out of the blue? If so, listen up!!

You’re over him
Right. First things first. You got over that ex aaaagggges ago. You’ve been loving life. You’ve been feeling confident in yourself for quite some time now. Sometimes you even wonder how on earth that ex managed to make you feel so horrendous a lot of the time. Nope, you definitely don’t need him. Not now, not ever!
Yet when you get an ‘ex text’, you’re bound to feel confused. Puzzled. A bit freaked. And all sorts of other adjectives! Perhaps a most likely feeling is inquisitiveness.
You read the message again. And then again. And one more time. Is there any hidden message in there? Is the tone upbeat? Does it sound insincere? Does it sound despondent? There may be a little over-analysing to be done. It’s natural!

To stalk or not to stalk?
It may even bring out the inner stalker in you! You may have blocked him on certain social media platforms in the past – but can you see any updates on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter? Is he tagged in pics with a new woman? Does he look lonely? Has he set a new relationship status? Does he look like he needs someone to talk to? Maybe he’s happy. Maybe he misses you. Maybe he wants you (for one night … or more!), maybe he enjoyed messing with your head last time and he wants to do it again? There are so many maybes!! The fact of the matter is why on earth has he contacted you? What does he want? Why does he need to message you? What is his agenda? What is he going to gain?!

The good, the bad and the ugly
Yes OK there is a chance that he has been thinking of you. Perhaps he does truly regret what happened in the past. Perhaps he wants a new fresh start with you.
And just that one text can bring back many memories of that relationship – the good and the bad.
The good you will dwell on and may convince you that you could realistically give the relationship a second go. You’ll remember with fondness the flirtatious banter, how happy you were, little jokes you had just between the two of you, things that only the two of you understood, the places you visited together, the general good times that made the memories that are still engrained in your mind today.
The bad will still hurt. He didn’t treat you well. Things weren’t perfect. He said things he shouldn’t have done. He almost made you not love yourself. Those things were inexcusable.
Eventually the rot set in – the ugliness – it just wasn’t meant to be. What is even more ugly is the fact that his text has got you thinking of all of this again and you may need to work at erasing the thoughts once more.

The advice
Ladies – my advice is to not text back. He’s hurt you once so he can do it again. It may be tempting to respond – that niggling inquisitiveness is hard to ignore. However, instead, why not forward the message to your friends. See what they think and what their thoughts are. Most likely they will be in agreement that the text shouldn’t be answered. They will agree that it is ridiculous to think you would or should respond. They will put your mind at rest and confirm that you don’t need him and that you could do so much better.
You’ve worked so hard to get yourself back on the straight and narrow and a message out of the blue can upset the applecart and almost undo the good work you’ve done. You stopped thinking about him so long ago and now he has the potential to cause new detrimental effects.

So what could you do?
Yes, I know said not to text back but that is what I personally would do. You of course have options:
• You could ignore him – this leaves the option open for him to text again.
• You could block him – meaning he can never contact you again.
• You could reply – but where may that lead?

It’s a difficult one. When it boils down to it, you need to make your own decisions – but just think what you have to gain or lose from each of the above scenarios.

Either way, be strong ladies!! Remember to love yourself first and foremost. Remember what you are worth and promise you won’t let anyone affect that. You were hurt by this person in the past. Is it even worth running the risk of history repeating itself?

Finally though, I really am a firm believer of everything happening for a reason. Remember that you are only where you are today through every single thing you have experienced. That includes the good and the bad things. You may be in a very different place without both happening. So don’t let the past affect you negatively. Embrace the fact that it has put you on a new path to an even better future.

PS I don’t mean for the post to sound “anti-men” – it’s based on a very personal experience that I had and I know others may have been through too. There are some fab men out there! Plus also the experiences I had may equally be experienced by anyone and their partners; male or female.

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