Sex Expectations. Sounds like it should be a novel by Charles Dickens eh?!
However no 1860 novels here. Nope … in this blog post, I am exploring sex. Literally.
I’ve found myself fascinated with the whole shebang recently; from sexual pleasure and new partners to masturbation and experimentation.
I think sometimes we can be a bit hard done by in the bedroom (or wherever else you choose to do it!). In fact maybe some ideas on sex really are stuck back in the 1800s! For starters sex still isn’t always talked about too much. It’s often not talked about openly. Sex may even feel like it’s rationed or too regimented. There can be shame associated with self-pleasure. There can be a perception that once your partner is sorted, satisfied, done and dusted then your needs and desires are overlooked and, at times, forgotten. If you have your sex life completely sorted then I salute you. I applaud you. In the past I would have envied you. Super well done for getting your bits and bobs in order – I’ve managed to sort mine too! For those of you that have or haven’t, then read on!!! Things are about to get interesting …
Sex is good – it really is!
Sexual function is normal. It aids overall health and wellbeing. It’s great for mind, body and soul. It is an essential component of regular life and it should also be enjoyed – to the absolute maximum!
Men v women
Men are renowned (perhaps unfairly) for being boastful about their sex lives. That behaviour is seen as pretty acceptable. Yet turn the tables to their female counterparts and similar actions are seen as slutty and almost inexcusable.
Progressing through the teenage years and early adulthood can be confusing for young women. With many varying and strong views amongst the media, government and religion, women are encouraged to keep their virginity sacred and are almost frowned upon if they want to be free and open in a sexual sense.
Men can also laugh about and openly discuss their masturbation and again that is seen as totally acceptable. It’s expected. It’s normal. Once again, if the roles are reversed, women don’t appear to be given the same rights.
But we don’t need to be given these rights. We need to take control for ourselves!
Time to take control
It is time to take responsibility for our own sexual pleasure. We can masturbate – of course we can. In fact that is a perfect way to ensure needs are met. But we can also communicate openly with our partner to ensure that both sides’ needs are met. We have endless opportunities to have a fulfilling sex life with the associated pleasure designed around how *we* want it to be; listening entirely to the demands and needs of our body.
Who hasn’t faked it before? Especially with a new partner. It’s not a totally bad thing. A certain amount of compassion and humanity of course should be present whilst you work on tailor-making your sexual activity to make it what you want it to be. It’s like anything new for the first time. Any new skill or activity. It’s not going to be perfect right from the start. So you need to initialise, work on it, adapt and refine! It’s the same with sex. So a certain amount of grace and decorum in the early days will not do any harm and will give a nice basis on which to build.
So learn to recognise what you like – make sure you involve your partner. Be curious. Try new things. Be adventurous. Explore what your body likes. Be spontaneous. Do what takes your fancy. Just small changes in pressure, texture and speed can have unexpectedly big effects.
Maintain a healthy sex life
At times, life can take funny twists and turns. You don’t need to be having sex every second of the day … or come to think of it even every second day! Sometimes we do need a break – to breathe, relax, sort out problems or concerns, to pick yourself up and to carry on. It’s OK for sex to take the back burner for a while but remember not to get out of sync for too long. If you’ve established a great sex life, then don’t let it decline. Keep experimenting. Keep the love alive. Don’t run the risk of falling into a humdrum of a predictable routine.
It doesn’t matter if you’re with a new partner or in a long term relationship. Whether you’re young or old, or somewhere in between, you can always keep things fresh and interesting. And the ball is in your court. You are in control.
Life is about both partners being satisfied. Don’t compromise your happiness for someone else’s. Neither should the same happen in reverse.
Most importantly, we should be able to talk about sexual pleasure. Openly. Honestly. Without embarrassment. It’s 2018 – it’s no longer a taboo subject. So prioritise that pleasure! It’s about being happy and maintaining that happiness to live a full and enriched life.